Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Dear Stella,

I loved your post yesterday about building the beautiful desk for your daughter.
I loved the care and detail in the work you did and I can't stop thinking about what you wrote.
I want to tell you that one of the best things my mum did for me was build me a dolls house.
I treasured it for years and years because I remembered that mum built it for me.
It used to make me so happy to wear the jumpers that she knitted,
it made me feel loved and cared for in a place that words didn't reach as well.
She was a rock-star my mum, she built my brother a garage too for his matchbox cars.
My mum could do anything and that made me feel safe and loved.

I don't remember any of the dinners mum cooked us when I was little (sorry mum)
and I don't actually remember her playing with us when we were little,
but I remember how happy she was one day when we surprised her and tidied up.
I remember how she would send us out side so we could lie on the grass
and watch the clouds float by while she did the laundry. It was amazing.
I remember her showing us how the mousetrap would eat a carrot
and I remember her terrifying us going down steep hills.
She used to pretend the brakes had failed (we lived in Dunedin)
but we were always safe with her at the bottom of the hill.

I remember the holidays we went on but I don't remember Christmas until I was seven. 
I remember sitting under a broom bush and listening to the seeds pop.
Mum was about somewhere, she didn't hover, 
but I loved that I was allowed to explore by myself. I always felt safe and loved by her.
I remember going to the beach a lot and watching the waves on a stormy day.
I remember how kind mum was once when I had an accident in my knickers.


Our teenagers remember the amazing bedrooms we painted for them
and the tramps we went on. They remember holidays in little tents in the rain
and they remember people throwing up in buckets.
They remember that there was always bunting for any occasion.

They remember the time David took them to the zoo 
and the monkey pulled a poo out of his bottom with his hand
and they remember the times we went to Christmas in the park.
They remember treasure hunt dinners and pancakes for breakfast on sunday.
I'm grateful they don't remember my less that great efforts at parenting when they were tiny
when life was grim for us in many ways.
So Stella what I wanted to say is that you are doing a fantastic job.
Kids remember the randomest stuff. It's all ok. You are a great mum.
You are making the best of your time. It's ok to have a to-do list.
You are making awesome memories with you kiddies.
You have plenty more time to make memories, in fact it gets even better as they get older.
Don't worry. You are doing awesome. More than awesome.
If you do what you enjoy, the kiddies will enjoy it too.
Take lots of pictures and tell stories of things you have done.
That's what makes great memories.
I wish I could give you a hug right now. If I was your mum, I'd be super proud of you.
I most certainly am not the perfect parent and I've made loads of mistakes,
but I love my kids and they love me. That's all that matters really in the long run, isn't it?

20 comments:

  1. Awww Deb you made me cry
    I had a photo shoot today with a photographer friend wanting to capture the Mum in me and my Mother memories. You know I honestly thought I had no 'happy' memories of my childhood, but up in the attic as I showed her photos of me as a child and my wedding dress using Mums wedding dress lace I found some happy memories. I guess what I'm saying even without the closest Mother Daughter bond there are still memories which make you smile xxx
    Deb you are a Mum which I admire so much . . . and tomorrow *squee* .. .. ..

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  2. Beautiful posts - both yours and Stella's! xxxx

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  3. what a wonderful post, and a wonderful gesture Deb xxx

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  4. Tears in my eyes here too. I was feeling very similar to Stella, thanks for making me feel more positive about it! xo

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  5. Very sweet, thanks for connecting and sharing :)

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  6. awww Deb that is indeed very sentimental, but...

    our Mum is our Mum is our Mum, and that's just the way it is!... and as families we create ever so many memories, even if we do remember them differently

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  7. Wow! These posts brought back many memories of my own feelings way back when. My "kids" are now 26 and 23. Some regrets, but I try not to dwell on those. Do my best TODAY and learn from my mistakes. :-)

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  8. In my opinion Deb, you are one of the best parents out there to offer advise. You and Dave have done a beautiful job raising your kids.

    Just one thing. Please tell your kiddos to stop growing so fast. They are making me feel old;-) LOL

    blessings, jill

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  9. Love this! I read the monkey part out to Goose, couldn't help myself. Haha
    Stella is the coolest, and Deb you are too xx

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  10. Yup, bawling here too!
    I've got so much love for both you and Stella - you are both AMAZING mothers and beautiful women xx

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  11. I am lost for words. Deb, and the other mothers who commented - I needed your words and reassurances today, I am so grateful. From the bottom of my heart, thank you x

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  12. Again a wonderful post, I promise I 'll come back more often; Hugs Baukje

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  13. read it again. Cried, again. Thank you, friend.

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  14. super super lovely! I know for a Fact Stella you are an amazing mum and put soooo much into your kidlings and inspire me all the time!! and are even right there for me when i am struggling! Loves. Beautiful post i too love my childhood memory's alot and sadly never got to thanks my parents for how amazing they were. Keep up the amazing work all you super sweet mama's out there creating lovely childhood memory's for your little Pixie's xx

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  15. beautiful Deb. just beautiful.

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  16. I remember how much my mom loved me.

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  17. Yep. Tears. You are both great women and mothers. Xx

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  18. What a beautiful post. I've just stumbled in here from Rhiannon's blog (after admiring those gorgeous quilts for about ten minutes!) - and I'm very glad I did :)

    x

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  19. Thank you thank you thank you - I just had to make a really difficult decision, and reading this has helped me to come to a kind of peace with the way that I chose.
    You are a truly special and generous person Deb, and Stella, you are a wonderful mum - don't ever doubt yourselves!

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