The events of this week have shaken me.
(Sorry even my photos are a bit wobbly)
I find myself falling back into the habits of the last two years,
keeping the bench tidy, making sure the kettle is full and the phone is charged.
Somehow the events in Boston and Waco have reminded me
that we are not really safe anywhere.
I know I'm not the only one feeling like this.
I've talked to quite a few people feeling shaken up.
Also two weeks ago the fence around the CBD red zone
moved a bit and I finally got to stand where the children's school used to be.
I feel so ripped off that we waited and waited for the fence to move
and then when finally we get there
THERE IS NOTHING THERE.
I realise this is completely illogical,
I knew they had pulled down both buildings
BUT I'M STILL REALLY UPSET ABOUT THIS.
(yes they are shouty capitals)
I just wish with all of my heart I had a chance to say goodbye to all the teachers,
to the mum's I knew and to the kids I loved.
It was so much part of our life, we walked out one day
never dreaming we would never go back, not even to look at the building
it's completely gone, not a scrap remains.
I realise this is not old news people, I know this,
but I just can't seem to get past this, it feels like one blow too many.
I keep crying about it, and I know it's pathetic.
I know it's over two years, and I should be over it,
but really, it's gone and it's never coming back.
I waited and waited for that fence to move....
what was I thinking?? I just wanted to go back there,
somehow I managed to "forget" that the building wouldn't be there.
Nothing is there. Pretty much that whole block is gone.
Sorry I'm ranting. I'm just trying to make sense of it.
It's not just the building, it's the people, the community,
so much of our life was lived there.
I feel ripped off. Big time. *shakes fist
I know in my head, this is just a bad week.
Bad stuff happened and it makes the other things feel worse.
I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other
and after a few weeks, the sadness will have dulled and it will be ok.
But it doesn't feel ok right now.
*lies on floor and has tantrum
I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm just trying to get my head around it.
The losses just go on and on and on and on. *sigh
Sometimes I'm just over it.