Tuesday, July 22, 2014

[Irreplaceable]


I used to have a good friend called Sally
and whenever I needed someone to talk me down off the edge
I would go over to Sally's house and she would sort me out.


After Sally died from breast cancer, I realised that I didn't have any pictures of her,
even all the time that she was sick, I never really thought about taking pictures
(we didn't all have cameras on our cell phones then)
and the only thing I had of her was this cardigan.


I have a precious memory of walking past her at school
and her being cheeky to me and she was wearing this cardigan.


For ages and ages I just kept it in my cupboard
as something special. Something to pull out and hold every now and again
and wish that she was here. I discovered that good friends are irreplaceable.
The space never gets filled, it is just always there reminding us of what we lost.


This year I've been slowly working through a bunch of personal stuff
that I'd shoved into the back of my heart, 
It really is amazing how much crap we can keep stored away
and how easily we can let people keep on hurting us even after
we think we have moved on.


Recently I pulled the cardy from the cupboard and I've started wearing it.
Not everything that has hurt us bad and not everything needs to be thrown out,
but much like Sally's cardy there, for me it has been time to pull out some of those old things 
and embrace these things that have hurt and just acknowledge they are there.

We might be healed up from our pasts,
but we have scars. Scars are fine. Nothing to be ashamed of at all.

17 comments:

  1. So true Deb.
    I love that you have your friends Cardigan. Its like a special hug from her xxx

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  2. Pictures live in your heart which is why you miss her so much. Hurt also resides there but as you say we need to acknowledge it and then it may loose it's hold over you. I have had to stand up to the bullies in my life, it was scary but facing fears teaches you so much, it teaches you that you can and will survive. You dear Deb are a survivor, and that is your strength.

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  3. I stumbled across your blog and am so glad to have found it. You have such vibrant colours surrounding you in all your photos which give cheer and is food for the soul.

    Reading all that you are trying to accomplish I admire your courage and determination. To concentrate on the good.

    All the best
    Alexa from Sydney, Australia
    http://www.Alexa-asimplelife.com

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  4. Thank you Deb for this emotional story. It is so good to see you wearing her cardi. I think she is still with you, in your heart every day. Hugs from France, baukje

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  5. *sniff*. Beautiful post, Deb. I have a very random memory token of one of my friends - her last few hand-rolled cigarettes. :-) Maybe not the most romantic memento, but I can never bear to throw them away...

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  6. once again big concepts captured beautifully. So proud of the way you are embracing the journey may we all do it with such courage and grace xxx

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  7. I had a wee cry reading this. I have a blue cardi that belonged to my sister. After she died I found great comfort in wearing it. Broke my heart after I had to wash it as I could no longer smell her perfume on it. I still put it on now when I need her close by. So I know exactly how you feel about your friends cardi xoxo

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  8. Deb I love this post, I love all your posts but this one has really touched me xxxx

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  9. So very true Deb. And sometimes our scars can give us superhero credibility.

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  10. I too have something of a loved one; my gran's hankies. They remind me not of her death, but of her life and how much I love her.

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  11. Sometimes I think the people who write all the books on purging need to take a step back. I have a whole lot of things that I love that others would see as clutter. We need to soothe our souls and something like your cardigan is far too precious to throw away.

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  12. I love these words - they ring so true: "...good friends are irreplaceable.
    The space never gets filled, it is just always there reminding us of what we lost." I have been very blessed to be surrounded by the most wonderful friends, but you're right: the one that now lives in heaven is not replaced or crowded out by these ones, she holds her place in my heart forever. I have a few of her things, and while they don't fit me, I keep them because they remind me of her quirky style, which we all loved.

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  13. Words of wisdom! What a lovely photo of you with your friend wrapped around you. I too lost a most excellent friend to cancer, I miss her so. Glad you have the comfort of your friends cardixxxxxxxxxx

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  14. Such a beautiful post Deb - loosing anyone dear is so so hard - what a lovely thing for you to be able to wear her cardi and feel her close. You've once again beautifully written about some deep things - well done you for dealing with stuff. No doubt you are feeling alot better for it - big hugs xxx

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  15. This post has made me cry really hard. It is like it is a tipping point of spilling out some hurt in my own heart. I think deep down I am so very worried that I am not important. That I won't be missed. It is NOT in some kind of depression way....it is hard to explain. I don't mean anything death related necessarily more an...I am unimportant and forgettable kind of way. I have been so very very badly hurt so many times.

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  16. You're such a wise woman Ms. Deb. Yes. Hurt, so much can get jammed into such small spaces, but then I suppose it makes sense because so much love can burst of such small spaces too.
    Glad you're wearing the cardi. It makes sense.

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