Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Disclaimer: No boys were harmed in the writing of this post

It seems to me there are way too many people worrying about 
their kid "catching the gay". Let me tell you this.
You can't catch it. You don't get to choose who you love.
It's just who you are. I'm going to love all of my kids no matter who they end up loving.

Reuben has very nice fingernails,
I don't know why, but they grow and don't break
and they look nice. He was pretty keen to paint them
so I brought him some black and some sparkly nail polish.

Why did I buy him nail polish?
Because he wanted to paint his nails and we thought black was a good colour.
This morning I painted his nails for him.
They look awesome.

Now I know that some of you are judging me right about now.

But let me just tell you something,
painting his nails will not make him gay.
Painting his nails does not make him any less manly than he already is.

Painting his nails does not take anything away from his manliness,
it just adds to his quirkiness.

He's learning to choose clothes that look good,
to have a shower and wear deodorant.
And if he wants to wear nail polish, I don't care.

All I care about is that all of my kids feel loved
just for being who they are.

Isn't that the whole point??

Also read this great article here.


  1. Oh Deb! As the mum of a very quirky child, I loved this post's defiance. There's so much rubbish written and said by adults who should know waaaaaaaaaaay better and who should be modelling waaaaaaaaaay better behaviour (thinking of several of our current conservative political leaders). My own family and nursing has introduced me to such a diverse group of people over the last 4 years and when I hear bigotry and hate being pedalled as fact my heart breaks a little for all those people I know and admire who have to listen to this rubbish and then get up and keep living a good and meaningful life. It must be so hard at times. Can you imagine, almost daily, hearing some nasty, intolerant, self centred person decry your very existence as sinful, broken, unacceptable to our society and utterly unworthy of blessings and joy? I think of the lovely people I know who are gay and transexual and am so furious that a bigot dare hop up on that public and powerful platform to deliberately belittle and hurt them. Aaaaargh!!!!!!!! You and I are such kindred spirits Deb - wish we lived next door - and reading these words this morning - and seeing your gorgeous boy showing off his sparkly great nails has given my day a lovely oomph! Go all those who want sparkly nails! Go to all those who are kind and friendly and compassionate! Go to all those who are living the life they are meant to live with joy, commitment and bravery! And go to all those who are waiting in the shadows, unsure of who they are and how they will make their way in the world - Deb and I are sending you our love and support!

  2. I had a boyfriend round about 13, he was 14 at the time. He painted his nails black, though more because of wanting to look "gothic".

  3. You are a mum who I love and admire !! Love your defiance and courage in writing this xxx love his painted nails

  4. Well I am horrified...JOKES! As a christian mother, I am going to love my kids no matter what. I have thought about this quite a lot and I just don't have it in me not to love them or their loved ones. I don't think I could muster up enough judgment to cut them off LOL!
    I want my children to feel loved and accepted by us. If they don't find acceptance at home, where on earth will they find it?
    PS I have painted my Reuben's nails too, a lovely orange shade. He was thrilled, apparently Batman paints his nails orange...

  5. Love this post Deb and LOVED that post you shared yesterday. Horrified by some of the comments. Hoping your sweet post doesn't attract any haters, but if it does, well, Boo to them the saddos.
    I often think kids are more curious about things we ban in horror, rather than let them have a bit of creative expression about their appearance while they're young and can experiment without it meaning anything loaded. I hate hate. You know, the un-love that people spout and call it faith. They have never met Jesus, if they can hate so easily.

  6. You are an awesome mom! This post is awesome.

  7. Hear! Hear! Bravo, mom, for your devotion and open mind and heart :-)

  8. Deb, this is one thing i would not judge!!! my Mitch used to love to do his nails right along with me and Avery, and so i let him. I'm less than concerned with nail polish being some kind of threat to his manliness...however we lived in a very small neighborhood with some outspoken judgey people that made him feel bad about it before i could stop these supposed adults(parents too) from saying anything else. i spoke up to them and let them know that Chris and i had no problems with this, but it was too late....he was young and impressionable and i think that was the last time he wanted to paint nails with the girls again. SO go you Ruben, be yourself!!!

  9. I only have one objection to my boys wearing nail polish and that's the tendency for them to do it on my bed and then to drop it on the bed! That has only happened once so far thank goodness.

  10. So true about you can't choose who you love. I painted my Reuben's (he's 8) nails sparkly blue this week and he loves it.

  11. My boys love having their nails painted. I say enjoy it while it lasts. Everything is so exciting for boys and they don't ever want to miss out on what I'm doing. I do it in secret so i dont have to paint 30 fingers and toes. Hahaha!!!

  12. Hi Deb, to be quite honest I find it very strange that boys and men like to wear nail polish. It's not my thing and I wouldn't want my boys to wear nail polish, nor my husband. So there's a certain comparison being made when I read this post, about my own position and your own.Everyone is judging your post right now whether they think they are or not but we can all decide how we ourselves act in response to this. I wouldn't want people to judge me and say that I am a bigot or that I hate people who wear nail polish just because I don't agree with it. There's just a lot of mis-information out there right now and people judging a whole group of people based one the acts and position of a smaller group of people which I find very annoying.

  13. i can vouch that nail varnish doesnt send our son gay , mines still painting his nails in his 20s and he really likes girls

  14. Would that the world were so tolerant!
    You go, Reuben, and be yourself whoever that may be. All power to you. And good on you, Deb, for empowering your kids.

  15. All the times our children do things that might be outside of the 'expected' we are presented with an opportunity to communicate our love and acceptance of them... regardless of how they 'turn out' (in so many more ways than just their sexuality) I hope these times I have communicated clear and strong - you can be quirky you can make mistakes you can have a terrible hairdo (or whatever!!!) and you will always, always find your mama and dad loving you - just as you are. Sometimes I will explain to the boys, by way of protection, how other people might see things but it will still be their choice. Eg - when picking school bags one of mine wanted a particularly 'girly' one and I said if you want that one I think that is totally okay, some people at your school might say that they think that is a 'girls schoolbag' but if you don't mind you should get that one anyway. Not sure if you would agree or disagree with my handling of that but I genuinely don't mind which one he wanted but I still want him to be prepared if someone chooses to tease him. For me that's an important part of parenting too - giving your kid tools to stand up for who they are but also giving them insight into other people/s (narrow) perspectives xxxx BTW good for you Deb for speaking up on what matters to you, you are such a great mama and woman xxx

  16. Great post! You are doing a good job. Let them be, let them do and most importantly LOVE em!

  17. I love this post, thank you:-) My son wore pink skinny jeans for a long time, he was 14 or 15 or maybe. His college did not wear a uniform and I gather it was acceptable. Kids seem less judgmental these days and I hope as adults that will remain with them. My son will soon be 21 and I think he still likes pink though with all the grease he collects working on his car collection I think he decided black was a more suitable colour to wear:-)

  18. Oh Deb you are such a lovely mom. But i already said that before!!!!!!!

  19. Love love love is all we need xx

  20. I wish blogs had a like button for posts. Because that is want I want to do - Like - plain and simple. Kids are awesome and that is all that matters!

  21. I love this so much.
    As the mum of a quirky boy who sometimes wonders if he is the right kind of "manly" I love seeing mums poke their tongue in the face of unwritten gender rules.

    My 7 year old son recently had nail polish on.
    My 12 year old has hair that is getting long (oh the comments we receive).
    My 7 year old when he was 2 LOVED my little ponies.

    Those are a few things that we received negative comments about (the list could go on).. I just roll my eyes and say "he is happy" who cares.

    I love love love seeing other mums feel the same.

  22. No judging from me, Deb. When my son was a baby he has the most beautiful blonde curls and big blue eyes. I was frequently complimented on my lovely 'daughter'. I used to smile and say "thanks, he is lovely, isn't he". He is now a lovely 23 year old man. Definitely not gay, but no girlfriend either and very much happy in his own skin. In my humble opinion that is our role as parents, to grow great adults, independent, functioning members of society, gay or not.

  23. Wow I am so with you on that. My son always dresses as a girl at school mufti days that are themed and I don't care. I celebrate with him. He pulls it off so well. He is a macho as they get. He also sometimes wears my mascara. surely we have to let them experiment?

  24. What a great post and agree you can't catch 'gay'
    I much prefer the old meaning of Gay. What ever happened to that happy Kookaburra in the tree?

    I love the nails


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