So I've spent the last week sewing scraps of fabric together.
I completely emptied the scrap bin,
which is amazing and very satisfying indeed.
Of course as I sew, I've been thinking.
I think about how I succeeded in the first six months on my own
and that feels like a good achievement.
I think about whether there will be a second chance for me.
Whether I will ever find someone
who loves me just for being me,
or if I'm too old, too unattractive and too fat for
anyone to take the risk to love me.
I don't feel like a failure, but I'm a bit worn out
and a bit used up; and I'm busy trying to figure out what the rest of my life
is going to look like.
But as I sewed my scraps this week,
I wasn't sure how they would look, all sewn together,
Just like my life, I wondered if when I finished putting it together,
whether the colours would be muddy and the result ugly.
But when I finished sewing the first top
it looked bright and cheerful, if a little chaotic.
Do you know, I've decided it's not a bad thing.
I think my life is going to look a bit like this.
A whole lot of things all patched together,
but hopefully cheerful and maybe a bit chaotic.
I'm stitching my life back together.
I don't know how it is going to look in the end.
I have hope that I will love myself
and maybe, eventually... find someone else to love me too.