Thursday, March 10, 2016

change



Today we cleaned our house all sparkly clean, inside and out
and I took the keys to the lawyer for the new owner.

Just before I left I walked through for the last time.

I didn't realise when I moved in a year ago that it was just going to be
a staging post, a place where we could regroup
and figure out what was next.



It's been a really great home
and we have had an amazing time there.

It's been a place of comings and goings,
lots of simple family dinners
and lots of conversations.


I'm going to miss all my messy boys
traipsing in and out at all hours,
the fridge fairies, descending on my kitchen
and eating everything in sight like a plague of locusts.

I'm going to miss my neighbourhood that I've lived in since 1976.



My plans haven't exactly worked out like I hoped
but we have an amazing place to stay while we wait for the next step.
I won't lie. This whole process has been gruelling.

It's another big step away from the marriage that I thought was going to be forever.
It's me making all the decisions for myself,
and defending those decisions.



Right now I feel a bit broken,
a bit worn down and very tired.

I have hope that things will work out ok in the end,
but the waiting process hurts more than I can say.

"Growth is painful
Change is painful
But nothing is as painful
as staying stuck somewhere
you don't belong"


7 comments:

  1. Selling a house is hugely stressful and feeling tired is a natural result, the important thing is you're looking ahead to the future and that you have a safe place for your family in the meantime. Best wishes for something wonderful coming your way.

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  2. xxx may the new house be a herald of all kinds of beautiful new beginnings xxx

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  3. Deb you are strong, you will make it work and one day when I return to NZ you can tell me all about it x

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  4. Dear Deb, what can I say? You are going though such a hard time. Good luck with the house move, temporary at first, but hopefully permanent soon. Keep strong, continue to believe in yourself. Your children love you and need you to be strong for them. Thinking of you in my prayers.

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  5. Hang in there Deb, there will come a time int the not to far distant future when you look back on this time and smile. Thinking "I'm so glad I did that!" In the meantime, get lots of rest as everything looks and feels worse when your tired!

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  6. For what it's worth, I am proud of you. You are making incredibly tough decisions, and I do not envy you at all. Please know that you are inspirational and in my prayers. Good luck!

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  7. You are incredibly strong.....these things would bring a lot of people to their knees, me included. It's ok to mourn the old life but there is so much more to celebrate into the future. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....as a fish called Dory would say!

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