Thursday, March 17, 2016

Separation.... {keeping it real}



Today I went up to my lawyers office and signed my name over and over again on the final separation agreement between David and I. It's weird that something which started with such hope, ends with a business type transaction and a pile of signatures on paper.

I still really care about David and wish all the best for him and his future. But man, this process is brutal. Just negotiating what happens with all your bits and pieces, untangling a lifetime of togetherness into two neat piles, it is hard, hard.

My heart hurts, like actually hurts. In so many ways I feel like I've failed. I failed David, I failed the children, I failed as a wife.

And then, if I'm not a wife, what am I now? I have to reconstruct myself as a person. I have to think about myself differently. I have to back myself.

I feel like a snail who lost her shell. I feel unprotected in a big scary world.

I know that this too will pass, but in the meantime I'm feeling all the feels and its not even a little bit fun.

5 comments:

  1. Prayers. You will find yourself again, it will take time and patience and work. You are strong, Deb. Hugs.

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  2. Gentle 'snail without a shell' hugs. You are a GIFT to so many (and I think you don't even realise it ... which makes you even more special).

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  3. Deb - wrapping you in a huge hug and reminding you that you are still the incredible, lovely woman you have always been to so many people. Loving you hard right now xxxx

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  4. Ah, sweetie. So hard. This legal "business" is the last bit of the process, the last of the hard waiting and wondering. I am thinking of what Al Gore said when he and Tipper divorced-
    "We've grown in different directions." Think of the "success" of a very long marriage (by today's standards anyway) instead of the end as a failure. Blessed Be, dear Deb.

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  5. Your blgpost breaks my heart. I hope you can find strengh.. To continue alone.
    Hugs

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