Thursday, July 21, 2016

in which I have a tiny, little pity party

Last Friday while I was driving to Invercargill with the kiddies,
the children's dad was asking his girlfriend to marry him
on the side of a beautiful mountain after a helicopter ride.

I'm genuinely happy for them both,
and I wish them all the very best for their future together.
The younger children have a lovely relationship with his fiancĂ©e,
and I love hearing what they have been doing together.

I won't lie though, this morning when I woke up
my heart is hurting. It is not about them at all.
It's just so hard to be the one left behind,
even though I'm glad for them (and I don't want to be married to him anymore)
it just kind of reinforces to me how alone I am.

However, don't worry.
I'm only allowing myself a tiny little pity party.
I came into work and told my friend Kerrie, 
because I knew she would give me the slap around that I needed.
She reminded me that I'm ok and gave me a warm hug.

I am smart, I am brave.
I have a home, I have kids that love me,
I have some truly awesome friends
and I have three cats to keep me warm on cold nights.

I'm going to be fine.
And best of all, the kids have another person in their life
who will love them, be there for them when I can't be
and will love their dad in a way that I failed at.

I'm going to be ok.


  1. Oh Deb, you didn't fail at loving him - he failed in accepting the love that he had freely been given to him by you. Whilst it's awesome that the kids have someone else to love them in their life now, it will never be the same or as important as your love.

  2. We cannot be responsible for how people accept our love. You've done well Deb. And you continue to love on, despite these hard times.

    I wish for you everything you feel you need this weekend.

  3. Being a widow for 27 months I totally understand how alone you feel. It is a huge adjustment. Everyone wants someone to want them. Your a lovely smart woman. Love the photo of your beautiful family. from Iowa, USA

  4. May we, your friends, wrap you in hugs until that 'special one for you' can.

  5. I absolutely agree with Roz
    Hugs from Baukje

  6. You did not fail David, he failed you. I wish him happy. I wish you happy more!

  7. You're not just're awesome

  8. way. Love is giving yourself. You gave and he didn't accept. If you changed the way you gave then you would be changing yourself. Be yourself, do what you love and someday someone will come along who accepts who you are and what you are and gives love back to you.

  9. I've followed along and marveled at your bravery. Remember - whatever you are seeking is also seeking you! Carry on - you've come so far and one day you will look back and smile. I feel this in my bones for you!

  10. I'm with Jody M -- I marvel at your bravery. Don't sell yourself short! Just cos a relationship didn't last, doesn't mean it was a failure. You've learned about what you want (and don't want) in life, you've got great kids, and you've probably pushed yourself in ways you didn't expect. You're on the right track; great things will come your way. Can't wait to read about them when they do!

  11. love and prayers to you my dear friend. wish i could come over and have a cup of coffee with you and give you a big hug! lora

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