Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Not Coming Out


In the last eighteen months since I left David, I have had several people ask me if I was coming out as gay. As far as I know I still just like boys, but I guess if I found a girl who loved me, well that would be ok too.

I just don't get why people think they need to know the answer to this question. Do they want to treat me differently because they think I might like girls? Really? Why the hell is it anyone else's business.


I've been growing the dyed part out of my hair back to it's natural colour {grey} and I'm so sick of the process I'm going to cut it all off. But the only thing holding me back was the fact that I'm going to get more of the comments about being a Lesbian. 


And then I realised how ridiculous this is. Why is this even a conversation? Really. The only time it should be a conversation is when your friend falls in love and then you can congratulate them. The rest of the time, we are just people living our lives.


I promise that as soon as I find someone who loves me and I love them back, THAT WILL BE NEWS, and I'll write about it. But in the meantime, let's just try not to push each other into boxes to make ourselves feel more comfortable. OK? ok. 

17 comments:

  1. I wouldn't consider these rude people as true friends! There's one thing if you ask a true friend something delicate out of genuine concern, but otherwise it's all akin to gossiping. I guess some people are very rude and have no filters between their brain and mouth :/

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  2. Had to laugh Deb....my sister and I are often thought of as a lesbian couple! My nephews school refers to us as his 'mums'.
    I find it interesting, that once you hit your late 30's and beyond, that being a single woman with a voice (therefore seeming confident) means you must be gay....yet the same is not the same for men.
    It's funny how people think...because, yes, it doesn't matter anyways.
    (Oh, and I vote, go the short hair!)

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  3. Well said Deb! I mean, how rude are people nowadays, do we have to be rude back to them to make them stop? People don't seem to hear the words that are coming out of their own mouths anymore.

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  4. Oh wow! Just wow! It still surprises me why people feel compelled to ask such questions....like who cares....cut it dammit, you're doing it for you and that's what counts xxx

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  5. Oh wow! Just wow! It still surprises me why people feel compelled to ask such questions....like who cares....cut it dammit, you're doing it for you and that's what counts xxx

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  6. Lovely post. As I always said to my kids and grand kids..."People fall in love with people, in this world gender shouldn't have to be a part of the equation." I though that this was good advice until the Six year old said "but I just love dogs!" NMW

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  7. Good grief, how rude - some people have no idea about what's polite or appropriate. Live your life in your own way and enjoy every day, Deb.

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  8. Good grief, how rude - some people have no idea about what's polite or appropriate. Live your life in your own way and enjoy every day, Deb.

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  9. Good grief, how rude - some people have no idea about what's polite or appropriate. Live your life in your own way and enjoy every day, Deb.

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  10. I wouldn't even ask family that question, it's just plain rude! And really, what does it matter as long as you're happy with yourself? Some people need a lesson in manners.

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  11. Uhm... Looking at the comments above I'm going to be the odd one out, but I have to admit that I don't see it being a rude question and I'm confused as to why it would be. It's a curious question, and it's straightforward, but rude? If a person asking it meant that being gay was somehow a bad thing to be, then okay, I can see a problem, but just asking if someone's gay is like asking... I don't know, if their hair colour is natural or if they dye it somehow. Or is that rude, too?

    Sorry, I don't mean to be insensitive, but I'm just not understanding where the problem is.

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  12. Holy heck......I had the same thing happen to me! When my first husband left and I did cut my long hair shortish.....it was "oh you are a Lesbian"......what!?? And because I didn't get together with another man straight away it was "oh you are a Lesbian"..............you sure find out who are your friends and who aren't when your life has turned upside! Best wishes and embrace your grey and whatever else YOU choose!

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  13. Are people really that rude? It's not even about curiosity, is it - it's just RUDE. I have a gay friend (man) who told me that I looked like a lesbian because of my short hair. Then my daughter confirmed his remark. I was appalled. Can't a woman have short hair w/o a stigma being attached to it?
    I do like your dark hair. If you choose to go grey, that's your prerogative! I like that you are open and searching and REAL. Who you choose to love is your business.

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  14. Cut your hair, live your life. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or assumes as long as you are happy with the way you are living your life. And yes it is rude to ask that question of anyone, as if it matters whether you are gay or not or if it is anyone's business but your own!

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  15. Oh my goodness, I laughed out loud at your title. I too grey the colour out of my hair, got really sick of it and cut it. It was short. I loved it. The only person who was not positive was my father who told me I looked butch. Hells bells - he is a totally different story and really it doesn't matter. I kept is short short (number 8) for about three years as I loved it so much. Do what works for you!!

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  16. What a question! I mean, I guess if it is asked in love and in a supportive way I can understand.

    When I shaved my head for my mom when she had cancer I got comments all the time about being a lesbian. I didn't even know that it was a stereotype.

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  17. I watched a TED talk by Jon Ronson https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAIP6fI0NAI and I remembered this blog post, and how I still couldn't figure out why it was rude to ask someone if they were gay. I came back here to see if anyone else has written that they feel the same way, or maybe explain to me what part, exactly, about it is rude. Nope. Still pretty much everyone saying that it's rude to ask if someone's gay and I'm still thinking, what. Why.

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