Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Sometimes there are just not enough tears to cry


This week our lives have been turned upside down with the news that my brother in law has brain cancer, bad bad brain cancer. About 3 weeks ago Tahu went to his doctor as he had been having migraines and some speech issues. She sent him for a CT scan and they found what we now know to be a grade 4 glioblastoma multiforme brain tumour. It is big and very aggressive. He will be having surgery next Tuesday to remove it and then starts radiation and chemo therapy. The tumour will come back though, and he can repeat treatment to give him 9-12 months at a time. 


Our hearts are truly broken. It's hard to put into words how awful this is. Jo and Tahu and Knox are one tight family unit. They have been through ups and downs in the past but nothing on the scale of this. They have hopes and dreams and plans, just like the rest of us. In one instant, these things have been taken away to be replaced by a terrifying reality.


 I don't think it is fair to say that Jo and Tahu are being brave and strong. They are simply trying to get through each day. They are sad, they are devastated. But every day they have to get up, have a shower, make breakfast, get Knox organised. Carrying on is not being brave, carrying on is just what we have to do, it's part of being human.


In the meantime, we feel all the feelings. We cry. We rage. We pray. Sometimes we feel hopeful and sometimes we feel hopeless. All the while life carries on. We work, we buy groceries, we cook dinners. It feels so wrong to be doing normal day to day stuff with something so big hanging over us. It feels like everything should stop while we deal with it. But I know know, what is the right thing to do? what is the right way to feel? It's crazy. Crazy crazy.


We each have to deal with things in our own way I guess. For me (as you can probably guess) this means I dragged out a basket of 2 1/2" scraps and started sewing them together. I figure I need a mindless project for when I get stressed. I also figure I can do a lot of praying while I sew. Somehow we will get through this. It might be a cliche, but it works....

One day at a time...


10 comments:

  1. :-( Deb, love and prayers for those you love xxx

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  2. hard times. Thank goodness for the healing of sewing. xx

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  3. I am so sorry to read your sad news. I know you truly understand because you know they are not being brave: just carrying on day to day. Sending Labrador wiggly waggly tails: a hug from the always helps me.

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  4. Ooh so sorry to hear this awful news. Baby steps for each day Deb. Take comfort in knowing your friends and family are there for you. Thinking of you X

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  5. Oh darls! Lots of love to you the midst of the darkness xxxx

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  6. Oh *#%$&! I hate cancer, praying for a miracle for him.

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  7. Praying for you and your family. Stay strong x

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  8. My mum had glioblastoma, but she didn't want any treatment. I find it so hard to understand that.
    Rose

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  9. So sorry to read this. My friend sadly died a few years ago after having the same type of tumour. She had the first surgery and lived 18 months but decided not to go through it all again. Praying for you all that you have the time to live and love x

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  10. One of the worst things we put onto people with cancer is this need to be brave. It's one of the scariest things to go through. We don't need to be brave. Being scared and broken is real. I feel when we are open to vulnerability we are open to making the best of the short time left.

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