It's cold and it's dark. It's pouring with rain.
I'm tired and I'm a bit sad, but it's only 7 pm
and I have chores to do before I can crawl into bed.
You know how sometimes you just feel miserable?
You can rationalise all the the reasons why things are actually going to be ok
but sometimes your heart hurts and it's hard to rationalise it away.
I feel like I am walking an emotional tightrope between the teenage angst
and the very real problems that people I love are going through.
It's ridiculously hard when you feel so powerless.
I want to fix all the things but it doesn't work that way.
If I could love them better I would you know?
Ugh. Hard times.
It's weird because good things do happen,
but then you feel guilty because of the other stuff that
is always in the back of your mind.
I never used to cry, but now I feel like I'm always one step from tears.
I'm tired and (according to the aforementioned teen) short tempered.
The thing about hard times is that they will pass.
I remember how in the old days when I was young,
there would be static or something on the TV
and a sign would come up "do not adjust the set".
And eventually the picture would come back.
I think life is a bit like that right now,
we just have to wait a bit for the messy bits to pass
and the picture will reappear.
If you want me, I'm trying not to yell at the teen,
I'm trying not to let the sadness overwhelm
and I'm just getting through each day holding onto hope.