Monday, June 5, 2017

But O, how bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes...


I tell the children when they tidy their bedrooms that if you leave a little pile of stuff in the corner, it will become the seed of the next mess!! You know how it is, next thing before you know it the whole room is a mess. For me I have this problem with feeling spiteful. It's one of those things that every time that I think I've nailed it, that little seed grows again. 


It's 25 years today since I married David. Currently he's holidaying in Europe with his new wife. He keeps sending Annie pictures of the wonderful time they are having. (See above)

Gosh it's so hard not to be bitter as I drag the recalcitrant teen out of bed, send him to the shower and harass him off to school. It's hard to be glad for them as I try and balance the budget. It's just hard you know.


I wish I could say that I  no longer feel any resentment towards David, but that would be a lie. I mean most of the time, I'm fine. But then like today, when I realised what the date was, I just felt angry you know. There he is swanning around Europe and I'm doing all the parenting and stuff. 

I really don't want to be that person who is bitter about the past. I don't want to think badly about how things turned out. Because honestly, my life has turned out amazing. I have a fantastic job, my kids are doing great, I have a lovely house, good friends and a man who loves me. I just really want to get rid of that nagging spot of bitterness that lingers in the corner, like the dirty socks linger in my kid's bedrooms. I don't want it to grow and sour my interactions with others. 



I wish there was a magic switch because I'd be switching that stuff off. Right Now! But there isn't. I think there is just a process of letting it go, of healthy self talk and the occasional drinking episode with friends. 

Here's to the moving on! 
Here's to letting go of the past! 
Here's to the future!

5 comments:

  1. So proud of you for your honesty, your integrity and your commitment. You inspire me constantly to be a better version of myself. Let's catch up soon. Sorry I didn't get to chat more on Sunday. You looked GORGEOUS! Love you xxx

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  2. One day it'll be you that's swanning around - your day will come, my friend. This too shall pass. You are awesome x

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  3. Yes! And I was just ruminating on my spot of bitterness today. I wonder if I'll ever be rid of that? I do hope so - and I hope yours can disappear too, but in the meantime thanks for being so honest.

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  4. Oh how well I understand your plight! Bitterness has a sneaky nature - just when you think you've sent it off for good it comes back and nips you in your knickers! Each European jaunt that my husband made with his new wife affected me badly. He never once took me to Europe. So good self talk IS essential. You are doing splendidly - never doubt this.

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  5. You won't feel this way forever. One day you will be angry then one day not. The next day you will be angry again. As time goes on it lessens each time. My ex husband and I have not been togfor 16 years and I still occasionally get my knickers in a knot but rarely. And it passes quickly. It's easier when the kids got older.

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