Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Hold your head up high and don't be afraid of the dark

Today was a hard day. I know that life will get better and one day I will look back at these days but I don't ever want to forget these hard days. . I hope that I'm proud of these hard days, I hope that I look back at my younger self and say, "they were great decisions deb, you needed to do that".

But today my heart hurts and I cried a lot of tears in the bedroom when the kids weren't looking. Why doesn't life come with a handbook? why don't we know how things are going to work out?? How can we tell that the big life decisions we make are going to turn out ok?

Part of me wants to lie on the floor and kick and scream and the other part wants to hide in the corner under a blanket. I don't feel brave and I don't feel strong. I'm worried and I'm scared. And I feel very alone. 

However Reuben cooked dinner for the second time this week and Annie emptied the dishwasher and put away her clean clothes. I got paid for some extra work and I went and brought us ice cream. The cats and the hens are fed and the dog is napping on the couch. I'm going to write a website for a rock band. Life goes on. 
At the end of a storm
There's a golden sky...
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone.

1 comment:

  1. Coming at this hard time from the other side I can tell you that you will look back with pride for some decisions and regret about some, but for the most part you will decide that you did a pretty good job all in all. Really, all one can hope for in the end is to be proud of more than you regret. Walk on, dear Deb, walk on.


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