In some ways I feel like nothing in my life has prepared me for living the life that I'm living now. By that I mean, that I never ever planned to be this person. When I was growing up (in the cult) we were going to be "wives and mothers". All of our education was based on this premise. And for the majority of my life, that's what I've done. I carried out my role to the best of my ability, until I couldn't any more.
As I have mentioned before, I'm making lots of changes this year. My house is on the market and we are looking for a new one. It's weird how the places that I'm looking at to live are world away from any of the expectations I had before. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would look at a tiny tiny town house, joined to other houses, with a tiny scrap of garden; and think oh yes, that will do.
It's like I just keep taking layers off my expectations. More and more layers. Until my expectations are starting to line up with my ability to earn a living and sustain some kind of lifestyle. I don't know if I'm excited or terrified. Actually probably both.
This week, if it all goes well, the sale on my house will confirm. I can't even bear to consider the possibility of it not happening now. I think it would actually break me. Here's hoping we don't find out!! I've been going through my house getting rid of stuff. And then more stuff. And then more stuff. It's crazy times. Let's just say, downsizing is not for the faint hearted. It's painful and exhausting, and I know I'll have to go through again and try and get rid of more things.
The one thing I'm not getting rid of is books or houseplants. Everything else is pretty much fair game. Oh and maybe quilts. Not too many of them to get rid of, I think.
Wish me luck xox