Last week was what I hope will be forever regarded as rock bottom in my life. I really don't know if I could cope with a week worse than that. It was so bad that if I told you, you would think I was making it up. But sadly I didn't make it up, it was all true. I'm not going to go into details here, but let's just say, my heart hurts and it was genuinely difficult to decide to keep on going.
But luckily, at the same time as all the shit was going down, I kept on working on my assignments and readings for uni. One of them was a journal article about storytelling theories in Social Work. Basically, if I read this right, when we use a story telling theory in social work, we tell the story about what happened and then we stand back and look at that story and see if we can reframe it differently to take way the victim aspect and gain some power back.
This was excellent timing for me. I looked at the story I was telling myself, and I could recognise the good bits of the story, the things I could take away. I could put the bad bits aside as part of the learning experience and I think I can move on. I mean, I won't lie, my heart still hurts, but I'm not a victim. I'm someone who is fighting so hard for her goals and to provide for her family. I'm wanting to be a good mum, to empower my kids to make good decisions. All of us are learning that we need to take responsibility for our own actions, to own our failings and to make the decisions and changes necessary to move forward.
I'm far from perfect, as a friend, as a parent and as a person. But none of us are. We are all flawed human beings working on our stuff aren't we? So here's to moving forward. Here's to picking up the good pieces and leaving the broken ones. Here's to taking a risk to love and learning the lessons from it.
And for everything else, thank God for chocolate brownie dates with your daughter, and home cooked dinners. Here's to good songs on the radio and rain on the roof when you are tucked up in bed. Here's to enjoying the small things and finding enough joy in those to tackle the big things.