Funny how all the website tell you what to expect when you are pregnant but they can't really tell you how to feel. Every pregnancy is different and each baby is different. You would think that by the time I got to 40 and having baby number four, I would have it all sorted! But not really. This pregnancy is so different for so many different reasons from the other times that it may as well be the first time. There is no road map really for the path that I'm walking. I know that is where FAITH comes in, faith in the Creator, faith that 'all things work together for good' and faith that there is a plan although we can't see it.
The flip side is the FEAR... fear that the baby will have something wrong with it, fear that it won't settle into our family, fear that we won't be able to love it enough... just plain old, how are we going to do this FEAR!
I know that every child is a miracle and especially for us, this one is. I know that a baby is the possibility to learn to love again. I know that we can do this. But still it's an emotional journey with only one certainty... there will be a baby!