Sunday, May 13, 2012

Loving the boy in the hoodie

First I must say I love all my kids. Sometimes to be fair they are easier to love than others. But today, thinking of mothers day I want to write about the boy in the hoodie.

The boy who has found 1000 different ways to break my heart. Whose daily actions and words tear at my heart strings, sometimes to breaking point.

The boy who makes me have conversations I never dreamed of having. That's not a house and garden magazine. Why it's not a good idea to smoke in bed. Why it would be a good idea do get out of bed and go to work. Why I don't want to hear those words in my kitchen.

The boy who grew up too fast. Who should still be in school worrying about what's in his lunch, but instead is doing a man's job every single day.

Whenever I see a bunch of youth now, wearing their hoodies and smoking, I don't shake my head and judge. I've learned that there is a boy inside, rough it's true, but not all bad and definitely not evil. A boy learning to make choices.

This is what loving my boy has taught me, I'm daily learning about unconditional love. The things I thought really mattered, I'm learning to let go. Some of them are not negotiable, every family must decide what they are. But loving my boy is changing me.

I'm learning that you can't look at the appearance or even what he says. But you can look at the actions. You look at the boy who gives his friends a second chance over and over again. Who will always be there for them, to listen, encourage and sometimes a kick in the right direction. A boy who is fiercely loyal. A boy with no patience for his brother, but who would defend him to his last breath if someone attacked him. A boy who willingly shares what he has till its gone. A boy who forgives you if you say I'm sorry, I stuffed up. A boy who is easily angered but who understands justice. A boy who is bored by church but knows God is real and will acknowledge that to his friends.

This mothers day I love all my kids, but my love for the boy that's breaking my heart, who is climbing his Everest his way, my love for that boy has no limits.

James, I salute you! You are fighting hard for your manhood. Keep up the good fight and make the right decision. I am always here for you. I'm proud of you, young man. I love you.


  1. Love this. You're an inspiration lady xo

  2. Great post :) He sounds a bit like my brother a few years ago, he is such an awesome hard working motivated guy now :) x

  3. My son is now almost 23, we survived it all! I look at boys who lash out and wonder where they find love and approval. You have done it again with your beautiful words.
    Your boy will come through because he has love. Yes even from the brother that annoys him.

  4. One of my sons left school at 15. Five years on - he is still struggling to find his way in the world. You put into words some of what I have been feeling and struggling with too. You are one amazing mum. Thank you for being so open-hearted with us.

  5. You've put a lump in my throat.
    Such a beautifully written post Deb. So much said, and so much between the lines too.
    My children are so young, and yet I already suspect, know even, that I'm destined to witness similar things and learn similarly hard lessons myself with at least one of my children.

  6. That boy in the hood needs us all to see past our own preconceptions. I've noticed how my own son always exceeds my expectations when I look at him through his point of view, what's important to him and what inspires him. I've also noticed how much I suffer and worry when I put my own expectations on him. Thanks for taking us on a journey of getting off your own point of view and seeing it from your amazing son's.


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