Wednesday, March 11, 2015

For the children's sake

I never imagined in a million years that our children
would have to learn to live between two homes
and so I never gave any thought to how it would be to parent like that.
However now that this is just about to happen,
I've been giving lots of thought to the practicalities of it.

First of all because we are moving out,
I have been working hard to make sure the rooms we leave behind
still feel like home to the children.
To this end I took out all the really obvious things that we were taking
as early in the process as possible 
so they could get used to how their rooms look now
and they will still feel like theirs.

It's hard for me to know that they will be spending regular weekends away from me,
but I'm leaving enough of me here so they know I still love them.
Both of the children have brand new mummy-made quilts
 on their beds that they chose and there is still a cupboard of quilts here
for them to snuggle with if they need it. 

It seems to me there is no win/win solution in a marriage ending,
the children will always miss out. I know that I have failed them in this,
that I couldn't be enough to stay and keep the family together for their sakes.
I'm hoping that greasing this process with kindness
will make it as painless as possible.

I won't be able to be there for them in this house after this weekend,
but I hope that the little things I have done and left behind will help them feel loved.
There's a tin of the soothing ointments Annie likes by her bed,
Reuben has one of Grandad's cellphones so he can text me.
There is a night light in Annie's room,
and Reuben has his room organised the way he wants it.

So I won't be here for them in this house,
but pretty much every single thing in their rooms,
are things that I have found or made or purchased for them.
I'm hoping this will make them feel loved
even though things haven't turned out the way we all planned.