Thursday, March 16, 2017

All the Feelings

Do you ever wish you could do a simple cut and paste of the stuff going on in your life, just to rearrange it to make it run more smoothly? Being a grown up is so hard isn't it, sometimes things are a bit tough and really there isn't a lot you can do about it. They say time heals all things, but I don't know. Time definitely changes things and our perspective on them, but you know, sometimes shit just gets real and it is ok to admit things are tough.

I think it's ok to say, I'm not feeling great; and it's not a failure to ask for help if you need it. Sometimes you just have to say out loud, I'm feeling sad and my heart hurts. There's a line between pasting on that smile and soldiering on and just admitting times are tough. Sometimes finding that balance is pretty tricky.

There's kind of a lot of stuff going on in the background of life right now. A whole bunch of things both big and bigger that I can't talk about here. Most of the time I'm fine and sorta managing all the feelings. But then sometimes you just gotta go to bed early, have a quiet cry into your pillow and just admit life sucks for a bit. 

One of the things I can talk about is that I never ever dreamed I'd be a single parent. It never entered my scope of reference that I'd be a working mum. And I could not possibly have imagined that the children would so quickly have a new step-parent. I'm trying to juggle my feelings and the feelings of my kiddies; and to encourage them to see the positive in a situation they had literally no say in. Sometimes I think I'm succeeding and other times I feel a bit grrrrrr and it's hard to be Ms Positivity to the kids.

I have a ton of things that I am grateful for, but I'm no Pollyanna. Somedays you just want to pull the covers over your head, stay in bed and hide. Some days your heart hurts and its hard to smile and the tears leak out the corners of your eyes.

But being a single parent means you are always it. You have to just get out of bed every day and function.  Day by day we keep moving forward and somehow we deal with what we have to deal with. That's life, one day at a time.

As for me, I had a piece of cake and a chocolate bar for dinner and I'm going to have an early night. I'm sure it will all feel better in the morning. 

Walk on, through the wind

Walk on, through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart...


  1. Hey Deb, sounds like it's a bit suckful right now. I'm always here for a coffee and a hug if you need one - or an op-shopping adventure. Love you. Praying all the things for your heart xxxx

  2. IN the grief material it says that it will take two years for you to recover (also true of major surgery). You've been through several major upheavals and you have to grieve the loss of life as you planned it, and the loss of your marriage. I think it's remarkable that you only have SOME days when you don't want to get out of bed! You will recover, the children will recover-time will not heal everything but day to day living deadens the pain and brings beauty and happiness as well. Be patient dear Deb and take care of yourself. Personally I think Apple cake and chocolate are the perfect dinner-although I might have added a shot of whiskey to that!

  3. I'd love to pop over for one of those little apple cakes (me-friendly cakes!) and a cuppa, have a bit of a chin wag about life, the universe and everything.
    You've had a rough few (five!) years. One group I'm in says it is okay to have a pity party for a day once in a while but then you have to get your big girl undies on and make the best of things.
    I hope things settle down for you.


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