Do you ever wish you could do a simple cut and paste of the stuff going on in your life, just to rearrange it to make it run more smoothly? Being a grown up is so hard isn't it, sometimes things are a bit tough and really there isn't a lot you can do about it. They say time heals all things, but I don't know. Time definitely changes things and our perspective on them, but you know, sometimes shit just gets real and it is ok to admit things are tough.
There's kind of a lot of stuff going on in the background of life right now. A whole bunch of things both big and bigger that I can't talk about here. Most of the time I'm fine and sorta managing all the feelings. But then sometimes you just gotta go to bed early, have a quiet cry into your pillow and just admit life sucks for a bit.
One of the things I can talk about is that I never ever dreamed I'd be a single parent. It never entered my scope of reference that I'd be a working mum. And I could not possibly have imagined that the children would so quickly have a new step-parent. I'm trying to juggle my feelings and the feelings of my kiddies; and to encourage them to see the positive in a situation they had literally no say in. Sometimes I think I'm succeeding and other times I feel a bit grrrrrr and it's hard to be Ms Positivity to the kids.
I have a ton of things that I am grateful for, but I'm no Pollyanna. Somedays you just want to pull the covers over your head, stay in bed and hide. Some days your heart hurts and its hard to smile and the tears leak out the corners of your eyes.
But being a single parent means you are always it. You have to just get out of bed every day and function. Day by day we keep moving forward and somehow we deal with what we have to deal with. That's life, one day at a time.
As for me, I had a piece of cake and a chocolate bar for dinner and I'm going to have an early night. I'm sure it will all feel better in the morning.
Walk on, through the wind
Walk on, through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart...