Thursday, March 30, 2017

Is there anything that makes us feel more inadequate than parenting??

It was the harvest festival at Rudolf Steiner School this morning.
These days nothing makes me feel more inadequate as a mother
 as having to turn up on mass with the other parents. There are a couple of reasons why,
the fact I'm a single mum and the fact that I'm a working mum.

Nobody actually says anything negative, but it's me judging myself.
After all nobody can make me feel like rubbish than me.
Honestly I'm a pro at it.

Being a working mum means for me that I never quite do either job as good as I want to.
When I'm working, I can't deal with the kids 
And when I'm parenting, I can't deal with the work.
It's a balancing act, which actually gets easier as the kids get older
but let's not talk about the school holidays......

And being a single mum just means I am stretched thin.
It's almost impossible to volunteer for all those things the school wants me to do.
It means that I remember every Thursday that I was supposed
to take two pears or two apples to school on Tuesday
and it means that the important school notices
have probably been used to wipe sticky fingers on in the car
because I keep forgetting to buy wet wipes.

Honestly all of those things are things in my head,
today my little darling was thrilled to bits to have me at school,
(I know because she waved to me from the stage).

So this is me telling myself to get over it,
I'm doing ok really. 

Here's to all parents everywhere doing the best they can.


  1. Yes! This! I'm my own worst enemy, and I get really easily intimidated by other mums... I'm on the staff and I still forget all the 'important' stuff. Luckily my kids are very gracious and forgiving!

  2. I've worked since the Golden Child was 12 weeks old and although there have been times that I liked the idea of hanging out at home, I know that the route I took was the right one for us. That's not to say it is the right way for anyone else, as I feel very strongly that we all make our own decisions, for our own reasons, with our own circumstances in mind, knowing ourselves and our children, and so long as everyone stays healthy of body and mind, then as far as I am concerned each and every decision and choice each mum makes is the absolute right one.

    I think the whole period of parenting for women, right from the moment you tell people you are pregnant, is full of other people telling you what to do/not do/think/not think and making judgements and comments. Sometimes these comments are helpful as they bring a view you might never have considered and can embrace with positive outcomes. But most of the time I find those comments and views are of a negative nature and are used as a means of controlling the person on the receiving end. And far too often they come from a place of insecurity of the person making the comment, who is not entirely confident in their own decision and so needs to criticise and shame anyone making a different choice.

    And it's so damned sad! Why can't we all cheer each other on, even when the decisions being made are not aligned with the ones we made ourselves? Why can't we stop projecting our own fears and stereotypes onto others through such remarks?

    I always go back to the mantra that so long as everyone remains healthy, it's all good. So please don't be hard on yourself, Deb, or anyone else reading this. Trust your own instincts and decisions, look at the bigger picture (so what if your kids don't get to spend the 10 mins after school with you every day, they do get to have focused quality one on one time at another occasion). Sure, I've made some choices and decisions that in the glorious technicolour of hindsight were perhaps not the best, but we're all still alive and we all learned something from that less than stellar choice!

  3. Us mums are just so bad at judging and being hard on ourselves. I've been a stay st home mum (a bit of part-time or work from home) and have often worried that I'm setting a bad example for my kids. They will most probably have be working women/mums these days and I worry I haven't shown them how that works. I think we all feel less than adequate sometimes x

  4. Do any parents feel like they're doing a great job? I suspect the answer to this is a resounding NO from any who are trying their best. I know I should do better with some stuff, but bringing up kids is challenging at the best of times. I think the main thing is that they know you care and that they have fences. I've now decided that when the kids are yelling at me that I'm an awful mum, that's proof that right at that moment I'm being a great mum!


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