I tell the children when they tidy their bedrooms that if you leave a little pile of stuff in the corner, it will become the seed of the next mess!! You know how it is, next thing before you know it the whole room is a mess. For me I have this problem with feeling spiteful. It's one of those things that every time that I think I've nailed it, that little seed grows again.
It's 25 years today since I married David. Currently he's holidaying in Europe with his new wife. He keeps sending Annie pictures of the wonderful time they are having. (See above)
Gosh it's so hard not to be bitter as I drag the recalcitrant teen out of bed, send him to the shower and harass him off to school. It's hard to be glad for them as I try and balance the budget. It's just hard you know.
I wish I could say that I no longer feel any resentment towards David, but that would be a lie. I mean most of the time, I'm fine. But then like today, when I realised what the date was, I just felt angry you know. There he is swanning around Europe and I'm doing all the parenting and stuff.
I really don't want to be that person who is bitter about the past. I don't want to think badly about how things turned out. Because honestly, my life has turned out amazing. I have a fantastic job, my kids are doing great, I have a lovely house, good friends and a man who loves me. I just really want to get rid of that nagging spot of bitterness that lingers in the corner, like the dirty socks linger in my kid's bedrooms. I don't want it to grow and sour my interactions with others.
I wish there was a magic switch because I'd be switching that stuff off. Right Now! But there isn't. I think there is just a process of letting it go, of healthy self talk and the occasional drinking episode with friends.
Here's to the moving on!
Here's to letting go of the past!
Here's to the future!