Monday, November 13, 2017

A bunch of excuses {about why I'm a terrible friend}

Recently I became aware that a couple of people who I thought were good friends
had decided not to be my friend anymore. (Thanks Facebook)
I was mortified and messaged one of them (before I realised there was two
and then I stopped looking hahaha)
and apologised for being a terrible friend.

But apparently my blog is depressing and I'm never around
and so they decided I wasn't worth the hassle.
My blog might be depressing, (I do try really hard not to make it depressing)
but life is hard and I'm not going to sugar coat it.
I mean, I'm all about the real and I've never apologised for that.

But I am a pretty terrible friend. I don't have a lot of spare time 
and then when I do I tend to need to sit in a quiet space and sew
otherwise I'll go stark raving mad and nobody wants that.

Also I'm not particularly interesting, 
well unless you like quilting and knitting and growing houseplants.
So I don't have a lot of topics of conversation.

Working full time and living in Rolleston really eats all of my time
and more energy than I really have.
I realise these sound like pretty lame excuses.
But it is what it is.

On Saturday I was helping at the school fair and I'd done my bit,
so I wandered around hoping to find someone to hang with.
And who did I run into but the lovely, amazing,
the incredible Miriam. She brought me a piece of cake
and we sat and ate cake and chatted.

It felt so good. So on Sunday I messaged an other friend
for a Coffee and Kmart date and she said yes.

So here's to me, trying hard to be a better friend,
more available, more present and more there for people.

Baby steps people, baby steps.


  1. Ha! I LOVE you Deb and I'm not really into quilting or houseplants and I don't live in Rolleston! :-) I think for some people time is a very high requirement for feeling loved or liked. For people with this as a high need I am a terrible friend because I'm a bit scatty - sometimes I have hours to spend and sometimes it's months before seeing someone. But if you like bosom hugs, loud laughing and me feeling very excited to see you - then for those people, I'm pretty good. :-) I think you are fabulous, and eating cake with you in the sunshine was one of my favourite things this weekend but I would have loved you just as much if you said you needed to go home for quietness. Sometimes the best of friends are the ones it's really okay to be yourself with and for them to feel you are a safe person to be yourself with... if that makes sense! Anyway - I love you. x

  2. It's not a quantity of friends but a can only really be a good friend to a's just impossible to please everyone, and everyone has a struggle to relate. I have seen friends come and go and I thank them all for their contribution to my life and learning....even the difficult ones....especially the difficult's just a time and season. Miriam sounds like a golden friend.

  3. Your life is like so many of us , up and down and full of seasons. Ive followed your blog for years watched your kids grow , your life change . Your quilting evolve and your houseplants change . Ive lost friends due to my life becoming crap , being a full time carer and the poo fairy isnt always fun , but theres always light at the end of the tunnel its just that our current tunnel is proving to be endless. So keep on quilting and thinking aloud on your blog ....its what keeps us sort of sane

  4. I can relate so much to this. I don’t get any phone calls or visits and I have SO many heart struggles at the moment that I just don’t want to face people. It obviously doesn’t make for a good long term solution but hey! I’m surviving here and keeping my family alive. It is VERY hard to go anywhere. So so hard

  5. I love your blog-because it IS real. We all struggle with life challenges (anyone who says they don't is lying!) Life is busy and basically the same from day to day in a rinse and repeat fashion. My blog is boring too-unless I'm out playing tour guide. Friendship goes both ways, I've struggled with always being the one to call and set things up. We all long for a close group of friends and few of us have them.

  6. Since I decided I preferred to be home with my husband (who has a disability and can't get out that much) rather than sewing people every spare minute of my free time, I'm amazed at the number of friends and family who have just dropped out of my life. Deb, there is nothing wrong with them coming to you, I say! If they really valued your friendship and thought they'd be able to contribute to your life, they'd make the effort. I just see my own experience as sorting the wheat from the chaff. Suits me just fine. I'm glad you've got quality friends who know to stick around!

  7. I do appreciate your honesty and single parenting IS hard. I learned that my solitude was essential, BUT if I wanted to have a friend, I needed to BE a friend! Sometimes you will find that the added effort makes all of the difference in the world.

  8. This resonates with me soooo deeply...... I’m often accused of hermiting away or told hello stranger..... but really life is such a roller coaster and can be emotionally exhausting that I just want to spend my free time with me.....I love to hang with friends if I make it a priority, but the lure of quiet time is strong xx

  9. I don't have many friends, I'm a stay at home by preference person and an introvert. I make the effort to go to guild each Saturday to see my friends there but don't really have time for much else. Unfortunately this Saturday is my last chance for a while due to surgery again on Monday; so I'll just have to keep in touch by Facebook and email if I do at all. To be honest I'll probably hibernate since I won't be able to sew or spin anyway and that tends to make me a touch grumpy. Good friends won't leave just cos you're not all sweetness and light; they stick around even when things aren't as good as they used to be.

  10. Hey Deb. People use facebook in different ways, I find it a negative influence on the world, after a terrible time last year (with family on facebook) I deleted all my family and friends whom i have contact with else where. I dont use Facebook anymore, Im sorry if we were 'friends' on FB and I deleted you, it wasnt personal! You are an awesome friend. I wish people using FB would wake up like I have, because its a way to lose touch with reality xxx

  11. I like real people like you and honesty. I think I too could be a better friend, but also like spending time by myself... my husband calls me a socialite when he compares himself, but I also think I'm pretty boring, but happy with my life. I wouldn't be changing for anyone. Miriam sounds lovely and an awesome friend to have.

  12. Ha - i love quilting, sewing, time out and garden stuff. But life is BUSY. They aren't good friends. If they can't go with the eb and flow of life then they are not the ones for you. you are doing an amazing and difficult job. I love your blog, don't give up and at least you know yourself. No point going stark raving mad for people who just don't get you.


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